Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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