i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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