The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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