Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
