mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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