Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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