Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
