I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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