There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
