Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
