He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
