And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
