mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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