I didn't shave. On purpose
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it glows. i had to have it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
