Jerry, you need to find god
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
