I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
