stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
