Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
