; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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