actually, I'm a sock model
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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