My first STD was from a foam party
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
