if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
should my penis look like a turkey
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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