so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
