The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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