Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
