So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
