just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
