chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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