I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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