Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She said her name was "party"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
