you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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