i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
