I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
