you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
