1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
