The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
