I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My vagina just recognized that song.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
