i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
