My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
