Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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