the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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