I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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