The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
