no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
