Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
