OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
