Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Even my vagina gasped.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
