Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
