Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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