just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
