Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
