I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
