Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
