You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
