I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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