I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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