i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
