What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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