Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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