You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why do cheetos always look like penises
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
