i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
