you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
