friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
