Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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