walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it's like heaven, but drunker
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
