Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
