His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
