im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
