So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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