My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize