I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
