pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
