You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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