so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The best revenge is premature balding
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize