stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
