I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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