I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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