so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
