i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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